


Failing Upwards

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Male Protagonist, OC, POV First Person, POV Original Character, Self-Insert, s/i
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27723659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Do you like Vaugely artistic bullshit? Do you want a story thats probably eh, but gonna be long? Do you wish Self-insert stories gave the main character a personality, well you're in luck. I'm not sure this shit fits any of those criteria but you sure as fuck can read it if you want.If you want this shit on a worse platform you can also go to fanfiction dot net where I'm publishing it aswell
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

Hiruzen took a deep drag from his pipe before slowly blowing the smoke into the pamphlet he was reading. "What is this exactly?"

I grinned before poking an olive skinned hand into the pamphlet he was holding. "A short piece of reading on why I should be made Sasuke Uchiha's legal guardian."

Hiruzen scanned the paper for a couple seconds to place it onto his desk with a tired sigh. "Do you have a means of Income, and your own place to live?"

I rolled my eyes before crossing my arms. "Again with this traditional housing, and money stuff. I told you last week, old man I have non-traditional resources."

"Might I get an explanation of non-traditional housing?" Hiruzen's words had a sarcastic tone that was rare for the hokage.

I couldn't help but feel embarrassed at having to state where I actually lived but after a small pause I muttered. "The abandoned Uchiha housing."

Hiruzen leaned in trying to hear me clearly. "What was that?"

I sighed before speaking clearly, my arms crossed. "The abandoned Uchiha housing district."

Hiruzen shook his head slowly. "If you feel embarrassed to state where you live, how can you expect me to force Sasuke to live there? I understand you are a caring boy Yusuke, but Sasuke is a living human being with his own independence even if it's limited at the moment. Forcing you as his guardian would be an overstepping of boundaries."

I slouched back into one of the office's chairs before sighing. "You got me there old man."

The two of us sat in silence for a moment before there was a knock on the door. Hiruzen groaned as he stood up. "That should be Iruka, and the end of our lovely meeting. Be sure to visit me again."

I nodded as I stood up, and stretched. "I'll be bothering you until you're dead and gone, old man."

"Please, come in Iruka my boy." The genin walked in with Naruto under his arm and an annoyed expression.

Before he could speak I climbed onto his back with a grin. "I'll come see ya tomorrow Hiruzen, and I might bring Naruto along for once."

Iruka bowed to Hiruzen before beginning to march out of the office. Almost as soon as we left the building Iruka exploded a rant that neither of us really listened to.

Returning to the school was always the funnest part of having Iruka hunt us down. He would walk into the class with us in toe while everyone stared before walking up to the front of the class, and continuing whatever he was saying before we left as if nothing had happened.

But today was different as soon as he got to the front of the class he erased what was on the boards, and sighed. "I was going to review what we've learned this year before the final test, but with the delay caused by some of your classmates it seems we'll just have to jump right into the test. I want everyone lined up single file outside the classroom door immediately."

As everyone worked their way into a line I made sure to get a spot behind Sakura, and playfully poked her in the back.

The pink haired girl ignored the first few pokes before whipping her head around. "I really wanted the review, I'm not gonna be your friend right now."

I rolled my eyes before placing my hands on her shoulders. "Does that mean our bestie sleepover is cancelled?"

Sakura tried to ignore me once again but after a few seconds turned around once more. "No but for the time being Ino is my bestie."

I groaned before smacking my lips. "You really invited her? She doesn't even like me."

Sakura nodded, "I'm sure she doesn't. The first time you guys met you ignored her to train."

I began to play with my hair. "Well you know how I was back then."

Sakura chuckled, "Yeah you were a real weirdo before I got my hands on you."

Before I could respond Iruka pointed at us. "No talking in the hallways. Other classes could be trying to learn."

The walk was short, and quiet as everyone kept their anxieties to themselves. I could see that Kiba, and Choji were worried about getting left behind. Everyone else was hard to decipher. Shikamaru was amazing at hiding his emotions, and Hinata always looked anxious after all, she was right behind Naruto.

After a bit of walking Iruka paused in front of a door, and knocked. As I expected a blue haired shitlord opened the door, and Iruka bowed in apology "Sorry Mizuki we had a bit of a delay."

The traitor scratched his head before nodding. "I can see that." Iruka looked at himself before realizing he had two pit stains.

Iruka chuckled while ushering the class into the small classroom. It was obvious by the red creeping across his face this was probably gonna be faster than I expected.

As everyone took their seats I decided to slide over to Shino who decided to sit in the back. He seemed to ignore me, but that wasn't much of a deterrent for me. "Hey bug boy, you ready to be a genin?"

There was a long pause before he looked at me. "What does it matter to you?"

"We might end up on the same team." I grinned at the Aburame while being met with his usual quiet stare.

"I hope not." Shino stood as he said that before walking down to the front of the class.

"He wants me." I chuckled as he summoned up three clones before leaning back in my chair and nodding. "He wants me."

Sakura rolled her eyes as she read a magazine meant for young girls. "I can't wait until Ino gets here, she said she was bringing snacks her mom made."

I scoffed as I worked on braiding her hair. "Bet she can't do a french braid though."

Sakura sighed before putting her magazine down. "What even is a french? You keep calling it that and won't explain."

I finished braiding her hair before leaning back in my chair. "I'll tell you once you start listening to my advice."

Sakura turned around with an annoyed expression. "Your last piece of advice was to attack the throat, and that got me in trouble with Iruka."

I popped a piece of dango into my mouth before shrugging. "You still beat Shikamaru though."

Sakura was about to respond when her mother's voice cut her off. "Sakura sweetie, your little friend is here."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Coming mom." she stood up before turning to me with an annoyed expression. "Try not to be weird around Ino. I really want you to be friends."

I rolled my eyes before watching Sakura run downstairs while shouting about being a ninja. I liked Sakura now that I could talk to her, she was rough on the outside but was cool on the inside. She had personality or at least the most compared to the other girls. Especially Ino, I didn't hate the blond but she was not far from fandom preconception.

Almost as soon as I finished my thought Sakura walked in with Ino, and a cardboard box. "I'm back."

I grinned, "I can see that."

Ino groaned before peaking around Sakura showing that she was already wearing her headband. "What are you doing?"

"Not strutting around my headband like a jackass."

Sakura jabbed me in the arm. "I said play nice."

I dramatically drew back before pausing. "You're right I shot first on that one."

Ino smiled smugly. "I feel bad for your wife if that's a regular."

I snapped back quickly. "I feel bad for whoever you stole that from."

"Whatever you bug lover."

"At least my crush isn't a fascist bootlicker."

"What does that even mean?"

"Why are you wearing a fucking headband in a casual setting. Its meant to identify the fact you have authority while you're doing ninja work."

Sakura threw the cardboard box at the wall coating a poster in cream, and pastries. "Both of you shut up! I went out of my way to bring my friends together, and your both being idiots."

There was a pause before Ino turned to Sakura. "Who are you calling an idiot, billboard brows? You barely had average scores."

I couldn't help but jump in. "Yeah at least Ino likes a guy who shows emotions. Your crush might as well be a zombie with a scowl."

Ino laughed before nodding. "Yeah Sasuke is an absolute lame-O. I'm pretty sure he spends more time brooding than he does breathing."

Sakura groaned as she slouched over. "Just my luck, the one thing you guys have in common is making fun of me."


	2. Chapter 2

Early morning dew gathered on the flora around Konoha as everyone made their way to the Academy. The cold breeze of late fall, and the sun peaking over the horizon made for an idyllic scene as each person found themselves outside in the courtyard with seating assigned for them.

As soon as I saw I couldn't help but take a peek at the team to see if they had stayed the same, and I was more than surprised. Team Seven was Naruto, Ino, Sasuke, and Kakashi. I shot over to the team 10 before becoming even more confused. The card on the table said "Team Ten- Shikamaru, Choji, Sakura, and Asuma"

With each Team card I read I became more confused until I came to mine. Team Eight's card read "Yusuke, Kiba, Hinata, and Anko"

As everyone filed into the courtyard there were groans of disappointment, and people who seemed unaffected. There was almost no one satisfied with the teams until Shikamaru arrived. He peeked at his card before grinning.

It was small but a lot for the Nara clan heir. I was pretty sure it was the first time I had ever seen him smile.

After everyone arrived people began to mingle amongst their teammates, except for mine. I was in no mood to talk with Kiba, and Hinata looked like she would burst if she even tried. I was sure I could force her into a conversation, but that meant Kiba would probably join in. I didn't even really have a reason to dislike him he was pretty similar to Naruto, and I loved that nerd. I just fucking hate dogs.

I sighed before whipping my head around desperate for anything to distract me from the awkward silence, and Anko's figure was such a pudgy blessing in the entrance of the courtyard. I could have kissed her, but for the time being, I settled with cheering for her arrival.

"Fuck Yeah, Anko-Sensei is here." Anko seemed almost confused at the excitement but grinned as if it was expected.

She placed a foot on the table. "You two should be more like your friend, he knows how big of a deal I am."

I shook my head. "I've never seen a women drink three men under the table in a row before you."

Anko paused for a moment to process the statement before turning to me. "I can tell you're gonna be my least favorite."

Hinata bowed while speaking in a soft voice. "It's nice to meet you, Miss Anko."

Anko paused for a moment to eye her team, and then whipped her head around to the other teams. "God fucking dammit Hiruzen."

I couldn't help but grin as Anko sighed, and began scratching her head. My voice make her annoyed expression twist even more. "Its alright I wouldn't know what the fuck to do with this group either."

Anko shook her head. "Naw I've got a few ideas. I'm just gonna need a bottle of sake and a long think to make em any good. Meet me here tomorrow at… 7 am. 8 am if I finish a whole bottle."

I sighed as my teammates and I stood in front of an apartment complex. "This is fucking ridiculous. I have to fucking go in alone because of a goddamn sign?"

Kiba held up his hands defensively. "It says no pets. As a shinobi, I gotta follow rules to set a good example."

I facepalmed before whipping my head around. "Who are you setting an example for? You are the newest shinobi there is. And No pets mean pets can't live there dickhead."

Akamaru growled at the insult before Kiba poked my chest. "Mr. Smartypants doesn't know that I'm the clan heir?"

I rubbed my temples too annoyed to refute his bullshit, and explain how inheritance worked. After a long pause I just grabbed Hinata's hand and walked into the building with her.

The Hyuga became a tomato as I walked down the hallways until I came to a door marked Manager. I paused for a second to make sure we looked at least a little like shinobi before knocking on the door with authority.

There was a pause before I heard a loud groan, and heavy footsteps leading up to the doorstep. There was a long pause before I cleared my throat, and the door whipped open. Anko's Landlord was a large woman with pale skin, a cigarette on her lip, and a loose-fitting robe with the bare essentials underneath.

I shook off the sight of her time and likely alcohol worn body before looking her in the eyes. "Hello mam, I was wondering which of your apartments houses Ms. Anko Mitarashi."

The woman paused before looking between the two of us. She seemed to brighten at the sight of Hinata. A raspy voice greeted the uncomfortable girl as the woman crouched down ignoring me completely. "Why hello there. Aren't you just the cutest little ninja, is this your little boyfriend?"

Hinata looked like she was about to have an anxiety attack but this was definitely something I couldn't pass up. I held Hinata's hand tighter before nodding. "She's very shy around new people. We've been together since the academy. It was so exciting for us when we found out we were on the same team. Anko is our squad leader."

The woman's sour attitude seemed to fade as she stood up. "Well you two lovebirds can find Anko in apartment 24b."

She waved before closing her door leaving the two of us alone in the hallway. I waited a few moments before releasing Hinata's hand. "I was just kidding. I know you prefer blondes."

The quip seemed to snap her back to reality as she looked surprised. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I started walking towards the stairs with a grin. "I'm not judging some people like boys with an IQ as high as their age."

Anko groaned as she peeled herself off her bed before walking into her bathroom. As soon as her hand hit the lightswitch she was sent into a blinking fit to adjust her eyes until she could just barely see enough to navigate her way to her shower.

She stripped before turning on the hot water, and boiling herself awake. The Jounin had come to enjoy long hot showers, and today was no exception she spent a long time caring for herself before stepping out of the shower in a towel. After a brief look in the mirror to admire herself she strolled into her living room grinning.

Anko pulled a pair of panties off of the floor before being greeted with a "Really sniff testing your panties?"

She turned to two-thirds of her team sitting on her couch staring at the barely covered woman. "How did you get into my house?"

"Firstly, It's an Apartment. Also your door was unlocked." I looked Anko up and down for a moment before continuing. "So do you sleep naked, or did we catch you at a bad time?"

Anko flipped me off before snatching up whatever clothes she could get, and disappearing back down the hallways. "Gonna regret that one smartass."

After getting dressed Anko led us to a training ground, and then sat down on a bench. "Hiruzen said I have to give you a test before we can do real missions so here's the test. Wow me with a jutsu, or head on back to the academy."

There was a moment of shock that shot through every team member before Hinata sighed. "I might as well just go sign up agai-"

I put my hand over her mouth before dragging her and kiba away from Anko. "Neither of you are quitting me. I got plans and you're not gonna fuck it up because you aren't feeling confident today. Hinata, what byakugan jutsu do you know?"

The girl began to turn red as the attention fell on her, she scratched the back of her as she muttered. "I guess I know some basic hiden, but I doubt that'll do."

Kiba chuckled, "If where she lives is any sign doesn't take much to impress her." The two of us looked at him surprised causing him to look back at us annoyed. "You don't need to be a genius to think up little jabs like you."

Before I could respond Kiba walked back over to Anko, and Akamaru jumped from his coat. "I was hoping to keep this as a surprise but I guess I'll show off the Inazuka secret technique. Cooperative Ninken Transformation." Kiba weaved a couple hand signs before two turned into one. A plume of smoke appeared before dispersing to show what looked like Hiruzen.

The tension thickened as Anko looked the transformation up and down before spiking as she sighed, and shrugged. "Pretty good at a glance but there are problems that someone who met him would notice right away. One of you passed I guess."

There was a pause before I realized me or Hinata had to step up. I felt sure I could pass, but I was worried about Hinata. I didn't know anything about her ability pre-chunin exams, and the possibility I showed her up was more than zero. Teams needed three members which meant that if one of us failed the other two were basically out of a job until the next academy cycle.

Before I could make up my mind Hinata took Kiba's place, and activated her byakugan. Her shoulders seemed to relax as she took a deep breath. I couldn't help but feel impressed by the confidence she was exuding before she whipped around two fingers on each hand extended. I recognized my fate but was too late as Hinata launched into the assault.

Her voice was clear with each announcement of how many hits she had landed as she worked. I was almost proud of the Hyuga as she drew back hard and slammed her palm into my stomach with a loud. "Eight trigrams sixteen palms." The hit knocked the wind out of me and made me lose feeling in my legs for a moment. The only thing that held me up was Hinata's hand until she pulled away allowing me to fall onto my hands and knees gasping for air.

Anko had a grin like she had won the lottery, and began clapping. "I'm not supposed to encourage violence amongst teammates but that was fucking bad ass. This team might not be so shit after all." Anko paused before peaking around Hinata to look at me. "Stop whining, and show me what you got."

I held my stomach while groaning. "Shut the fuck up."

Anko rolled her eyes as she walked over and pulled me to my feet with one hand. "Stop being a baby she's half your goddamn size."

There was a pause as I caught my breath before I nodded my head. "Alright.. I'm good."

Anko took a step back as I got into a wide step, and weaved a couple hand seals. "Earth Style: Earth Wall."

Anko chuckled as a four foot wall shot out of the ground. "I guess that's good enough-"

I put up a finger before stomping, and sending the wall rushing into a tree where it exploded on contact.

Anko grinned and began dancing around. "I hit the fucking jackpot with you kids. I'm on fucking easy street baby."

I shook my head slowly. "Naw you still got jipped. The best in our class are gonna be late bloomers."

Anko stopped and turned and looked at me confused, "What are you talking about?"

I shrugged before continuing. "We're not even gonna be in the top five of genin. Naruto, and Sasuke are gonna be the strongest. Choji's clan can turn into giants." I had more to say but the mention of Neji felt unwise.

Anko seemed to ignore me as she turned towards Kiba, and Hinata. "You three meet me at the academy at around 9 am sharp, and we'll start doing ninja missions."


	3. Chapter 3

I sighed, rubbing my hands together as I sat waiting for my team to arrive. The weather was starting to colder, and my clothing was far from ready for the change. I couldn't remember the last time I had clothes meant for cold weather either. I had always made do with the same black short sleeve shirt, and baggy grey pants. For all the improvements brought by being in Konoha, I lost a lot of real-life resources like parents, and more than 3 outfits.

"Hey Yusuke, what are you doing here early?" Kiba's voice echoed through the courtyard interrupting my thought process and making me jump.

I rolled my eyes and began to tap my foot. "I couldn't sleep."

Kiba seemed to get curious as he made his way to the tree I was sitting under. "Really? Why? Are you having bad dreams or something?

I shook my head. "I don't dream."

Kiba paused before turning towards me. "What?'

"I said I don't dream.", I began tapping my foot.

"What do you mean, you don't dream?"

"When I go to sleep it's just black."

Kiba shrugged, "That's not normal."

I froze as I heard the statement before turning to him with a scowl. "Holy Shit! Really? I assumed everyone else was just making dreams up."

Akamaru growled as Kiba turned to face me, the two of us glaring at each other until Hinata's voice broke the tension. "Hey you guys, what's going on?"

I turned towards Hinata and began to wave softly. "Kiba and I were just talking about training together sometime, and how we should start hanging out more as a team."

Hinata smiled at the lie before taking a seat near us under the tree. "That makes sense, I'm sure we could help each other become even better ninja if we worked together."

I nodded before pulling a small notebook from my pocket. "We could even start right now. I've been studying you since your first spar in the academy. Along with Sasuke, Shikamaru, and Choji. You need to straighten out your back more when you fight."

Kiba chuckled and tried to grab the book. "You got a stalker notebook, oh I gotta see what's in there."

I easily evaded him before shaking my head. "Not a chance mutt. Now like I was saying Hinata, you should work on your posture. It would be beneficial to your ability as a fighter, and also your back health. Slouching can cause a multitude of back problems later in life."

Before Hinata could respond Anko's voice made everyone jump. "Save the nerd shit for later it's time for your first mission."

The three of us turned around to see her standing on a tree branch holding a scroll. The Jounin grinned at the silence before opening the scroll. "None of you have a smart ass comment? Good. Today we're gonna be helping evict some bum in my apartment building."

Kiba rolled his eyes. "Shinobi are supposed to fight bad guys, not evict poor people. Yusuke, there is no way this is an official mission right?"

I shrugged before standing up. "Sadly the ninja system is built to haze genin with shitty menial missions like this. Most missions under B are probably some shit someone else should be doing."

Anko grinned before pointing at me. "See Yusuke gets it, If you wanna go on riveting adventures you gotta wade through the shit. Now let's get a move on if we take too long that crazy bitch may start chopping at the door with a butcher knife."

Arriving at the apartment building was just as unpleasant as the last time. The place was in an uglier part of Konoha, and less than fifty feet from two different bars. It was somehow more comfortable in the ghost town that was The Uchiha housing district than this place.

As soon as we approached the building we were greeted by the same woman who had given me and Hinata Anko's apartment number. She grinned as soon as she saw us and put out her cigarette. "If it isn't the two lovebirds, You two look so cute all dressed up. Are you here to help Anko with my little problem?"

Hinata's face turned red as uzumaki hair as soon as she was reminded of our encounter with her.

I opened my mouth to respond but Anko stepped in front of me. "Yup now lemme get that apartment number we got a lot of stuff to do today."

Her landlord seemed displeased with Anko's interruption, "Its apartment 9b."

Anko frowned before thinking for a minute. "9B, isn't that where the old lady from the Sarutobi clan lives?"

The heavyset woman shook her head. "Naw she's 9c, 9B is the creep with a limp."

Anko's eyes narrowed. "Now hold on there Asuka. You said you saw that guy stocking up on what looked like some kinda ninja gear. You wouldn't have left that out of your mission application to cut corners now would you?"

Asuka paused and looked around. "I'll throw three free months of rent on top of the mission payout if you keep quiet."

Anko grinned before nodding. "You got yourself a deal, but Asuka you should know. I would be out of a house if I told on you. The landlord's face turned a bright red as Anko rushed us into the building. "Thanks for the three free months."

As we walked up the stairs Kiba turned towards me with a grin. "Lovebirds?"

I shrugged, "It's called lying to get what you want from people."

Ank chuckled, and sighed. "I remember the first time I had to pretend I was a part of a couple. I was twenty at the time, and deep in wind country. Those Sand ninja barely bought it. I'll give you the full story when you're older."

Before anyone could ask what that meant we arrived at Apartment 9B and were greeted with a loud. "I fucking knew it, she got ninja to come get me."

Anko took a deep breath before talking in what could best be described as a customer service voice. "Sir, can you come talk to us please?"

There was a pause before the voice came back closer than before "What do you want?"

"Well you haven't been paying your rent, and we just want you to leave peacefully. We can help you collect your things if you'd like."

"I can't leave, I'm in the middle of making something. Give me a couple of days." The voice got further from the door again.

"You told Asuka that three times now, and she can't afford to let you stay here without paying your rent." I walked past Anko towards the end of the hall as she spoke.

"Bullshit you see how that whore lives. She can afford to buy fancy liquor and bring her little boy toys in and out of here. She can afford just two more goddamn days."

"Calm down sir, there's no need to get worked up. We're just trying to come to a peaceful solution that makes sure everyone is safe." I pulled open a window at the end of the hall before carefully stepping out onto the outside wall where my foot stuck.

The voice seemed to get even quieter. "There is already a solution. Give me two more days, and everyone will be happy. I'll leave, and no one here will get hurt."

I began to make my way around the building focusing as hard as I could on the chakra keeping my feet against the wall.

"What's so important that you need two days for?"

The man's voice got louder again, it was obvious now that he was searching for something. "Something that will fix all of my problems."

Anko rolled her eyes at the vague statement before speaking in a more irritated tone. "Sir, I've tried to be patient but if you don't give a reason not to, I'm going to have to enter by force."

Finally making it around the building to his window I peeked through to see him looking at his front door which had four blast tags on it. I quickly stepped back and repositioned myself to force my way inside.

The man's voice seemed more shrill as he shouted. "And send that old bitch sky high along with you, me, and anyone on this floor? Good Idea Sugar tits."

I kicked through the glass window landing in the man's living room before looking around. The place was dingy and dark. The walls were covered in photos of the same women, and tons of writing. I sighed at the cliche stalker look of the apartment before beginning to weave hand seals. My sight snapped back to the man who was now staring at me furiously.

He ran towards a kitchen drawer and I stomped my foot as I completed my jutsu. A wall of rock sprouted up in front of him cutting off his path to whatever weapon he had in there. He jumped in surprise before ducking down and coming back up with a Katana.

I sighed before getting into a fighting stance. "Of course you're armed to the fucking teeth."

He rushed out of his small kitchen with his katana held high before trying to slash at me. I jumped back before rushing him and knocking him over. The blade went clattering to the ground, and I took the opportunity to straddle the creep.

As soon as I was on top of him I couldn't help but feel a dormant emotion that I hadn't felt my entire time in Konoha. It had been so long since I had been like this that as soon as I mounted him my brain was almost transported back to my past life. 

The Memory of fighting in school all those years ago came back, along with how great I always felt when I was able to get on top of someone. The overwhelming feeling of excitement mixing with nostalgia, and rage made all of my ninja training fade to the back of my mind as I let out a battle cry. "I'm on that ass Nigga!"

Before he could realize what was happening I began to batter him with punches, and elbows mercilessly. I could barely even manage words as I hit him, with each attack I let a profanity out before reeling back again. It felt amazing to be connected to my past even if it was a negative time in my life, and I was juicing it for all I could get to the point I didn't even notice the door open, or my team walking in. All I could hear was myself, and the noise his head made each time it bounced off his hardwood flooring.

I drew back especially hard for a punch before someone picked me up by the collar. "You got em kid, calm down."

I looked up to see Anko grinning, and felt the feeling fade and a warmth replace it inside of me before nodding as I muttered to myself. "I got em."

Asuka stepped into the apartment before looking around with a frown. "Fucker booby trapped my door, and covered the wall with some bitches merchandise."

Anko turned around with a confused look. "Merchandise? What do you mean?"

Asuka groaned before waving a finger about. "The pictures are of an idol. She's a regular on this talk show, usually a musical guest with a group. Pretty sure they're some big-time singers."

Anko sighed before sucking her teeth. "Alright, I got it. Kiba take Hinata to scan the neighborhood for Post offices and see if any of them saw this guy. I'll take Yusuke to the tv station to see if the girls are there."

Kiba nodded before running out of the room with Hinata following close behind before the landlord shook her head. "Can't be great seeing your girlfriend leave with another man."

Anko chuckled as she started walking away with my wrist in her grasp. "I'm sure she'll be back in his arms soon."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Acts of Terrorism, and Mentions of Gore

Trigger Warning: Talk of dead bodies, Charred Flesh, and acts of terrorism

The Land of Fire Television Station. Placed on the edge of the village with a massive dish on its roof, it casts entertainment on fifteen different channels to everyone with a television in the village. I stared at the massive building before speaking under my breath. "This shit is soooo meta."

Anko looked from me to the building, and back. "You gonna stare all day, or are we gonna stop an airhead from dying?"

I nodded before following her inside. The lobby felt soulless, and was obviously furnished to stop anyone from sitting in it. A good third of the lobby was a stone garden, and other than that it was just a single statue of a tree sprouting kunai. It was completely silent other than the receptionist who was busy scribbling down something.

Anko approached the desk before flipping her hair up to make her headband obvious. "I need Information on someone who works here. Here is her picture."

The receptionist sighed as Anko slid the small picture across the counter. "Is there a reason for this visit?"

Anko frowned, "Someone might have sent her a bomb so we need to make sure that she doesn't open any packages."

The Receptionist starred at Anko as he spun around in his chair. "I'm sorry but you're gonna have to come up with a less shitty lie, and come back. This is the third time I've heard that this week."

Anko took a deep breath before looking back at me. "You hear that? It's a shitty lie. Did you know that?"

I shook my head and stood there getting anxious as Anko turned back to him. "I am an official shinobi with the rank of jounin demanding that you tell me where I can find this woman because she is in danger. I suggest you divulge that information or I'm gonna be a lot less kind."

I grinned as the expression on the receptionist's face didn't change in the slightest. "I suggest you get a better act, cause I'm not buying that a tummy like that would belong to a ninja."

Anko looked down before closing her eyes and beginning to nod.

A group of security walked into the lobby before turning to the receptionist. "These ones?"

He nodded without a word before the men began to approach slowly.

I cracked my knuckles before Anko's voice stopped me in my tracks. "Touching me will be assaulting a shinobi, and will give me grounds to beat the shit out of you."

The words seemed to bounce off the men without effect, but I was more than aware of Anko's power.

I decided to put as much distance as possible between me and the pissed-off jounin as fast as possible. I headed straight for the elevator sliding between the security guard's legs before sprinting into the metal box and pressing a button that said offices.

The security that gave chase turned their head as they heard a scream giving the doors enough time to close, and for me to escape whatever Anko unleashed on the poor bastards.

The doors opened after a short wait releasing me into yet another lobby. One with a much more comfortable feeling, and a pastel color palette.

I walked up to the Receptionist, this one also male but seemingly more cheery than his coworker was, and presented my headband with authority. "I'm with Konoha's shinobi forces division, and have reason to believe that this woman was sent a package containing explosives by an obsessed fan."

The man grinned before pinching my cheek. "Well aren't you just the cutest little thing. Well, that looks like a picture of Miss Kobayashi she should be through that door in her dressing room right now."

Feeling patronized I straightened my posture, and thanked the man before heading to miss Kobiyashi's dressing room.

Just as he had said, I found her relaxing on a couch surrounded by other women. I entered before bowing and walking up to the musician. "Hello ma'am, I am with Konoha's-"

She cut me off with the rise of a hand before swallowing something. "I told the last guy, I don't do charity work. If they want me to perform for a festival I need to get paid."

I sighed before rubbing my temples. "Firstly, I am not here for that. Secondly, I need you to fix that attitude before my partner shows up. Someone commented on her weight, and she is not taking it well."

Kobayashi groaned and rolled her eyes. "Asshole at the front desk? I've been reporting him to HR for a while, but his uncle is a high up so nothing I can do."

I could feel my face heat up as I pushed past that. "Someone might have sent you a bomb so until we find it you can't open any mail, that also applies to your… bandmates?"

She nodded before whipping her finger about nonchalantly. "The redhead is Asuka, She doesn't say much. The big beauty next to me is my girlfriend Lily, and the blond over there is her sister Hana."

There was a pause as I stood nodding happily before I awkwardly spat out. "I'm Yusuke, and my sensei Anko should be joining us-"

The door slammed open to reveal a sweaty Anko with blood dripping from one of her hands. Her clothes were stretched around the collars, and her bun had been pulled loose at some point. She was busy panting but I felt sure that if she could she would be frowning right about now.

I grinned as I waved at the angry jounin. "Hey Anko, this is miss Kobayashi. Kobayashi this is my amazing sensei Anko Mitarashi."

The band of women gave a half-hearted greeting before Anko grunted back, and flopped down in the closest chair. "You mind if I smoke?"

Kobayashi shook her head as the jounin pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

I snatched the pack before jumping away from Anko. "I fucking do."

Anko looked annoyed, "May I ask Why I should give a damn what you think?"

I threw the cigarettes into a trash can before grabbing a bottle of water and pouring it into the can. "Firstly, Second-hand smoke. Secondly, I can't name a character who smoked and survived through an entire series. I want you to be around for a long time."

Anko rolled her eyes. "Your superstition has nothing to do with me. And it's not even like you know me, I could pawn this team off onto someone else tomorrow if I really wanted."

I threw the empty bottle at her, "You have no idea the depths of my knowledge on you. I know quite a lot about things I find interesting."

Anko chuckled before rolling her eyes. "Being a stalker doesn't mean you know me."

The statement hurt my pride. The one thing I had was my meta-knowledge, and boiling it down to little more than what a stalker would know made me so mad I could feel my ears heating up as I gritted my teeth.

Anko tossed the bottle back at my head. "Nothing to say? It must be a fucking miracle."

I snapped at the jounin as I swatted the plastic bottle out of the air. "Fuck you, you're a no-good alcoholic that Orochimaru left to die in the woods. You've got fewer legs to stand on than a paraplegic in the value department. Hiruzen probably only let you have a team cause you remind him of that pale fuck."

I glared at Anko who glared back before our standoff was interrupted by the sound of an explosion below us.

The two of us forgot the outburst at least for the moment and ran towards the stairwell.

As soon as we entered, Anko began to show exactly why she was a jounin. "There was no obvious damage on our floor and no signs of smoke coming from the building. That was our package, ninja bombs are designed to explode without causing a fire."

I followed her closely, barely able to keep up with her as she cleared entire sets of stairs, and moved what I assumed was as fast as possible down the stairs.

She slammed through a door leading to the fifth level before revealing a horror show. A third of the floor was demolished, and there were dead bodies strewn about. A Metal door that was currently barely hanging onto its hinges seemed to lessen the blast, but it didn't do much to help those directly around it. Those who had been caught in the blast were either injured or dead.

Even Anko reeled at the sight of people with charred skin, and bones poking out of them barely holding onto life. The two of us tried to avoid looking too closely at the destruction as we made our way towards the center of the blast.

The mailroom was unrecognizable as such. The bomb had broken, and partially melted shelving. It had completely destroyed the windows and mail. Worst of all it left the women laying nearby a husk of what she was. She was burnt all over, and her name tag was welded to her body. Her hair only had patches left, and her clothing had been reduced to a few singed pieces of fabric.

Anko was silent as she placed, and began to lead me out of the room. "This is something no one should have to deal with on their first mission."

The two didn't say much as we waited for other shinobi to arrive, and even after they did I was just left alone with Hinata and Kiba while Anko talked with some other jounin.

Kiba looked up at the blackened opening in the building and chuckled. "I guess we kinda succeeded. That Musician lady is fine, and that creepy guy is going to jail for a long time."

I ignored the statement and walked off. I gave the two a half-hearted wave as I left not sure saying anything would have been worth the energy.

Sakura sighed as she walked upstairs. She wasn't sure why Asuma had let her leave early but she was more than glad for the time to rest after having run training drills for most of the day. She sighed as she pulled her headband off before walking into her room, and pausing.

Her eyes trailed from the open window to the familiar figure that sat on her bed in complete silence. "Hey Yusuke, did your sensei let you go home early too?"

She watched her friend try to hold himself together as he sat on her bed holding his breath, and nodding his head before the act collapsed. Yusuke crumpled to the floor as sobbed. The pink-haired girl rushed over to comfort before being pulled into a hug "Uhm...it's okay. Just let it out."

She couldn't but feel awkward as she saw a new side of her friend. It made her feel almost uncomfortable to see someone who usually wore a mask of catty confidence like this, but she still comforted her friend all the same.


	5. Chapter 5

The sound of loud knocking woke me up before I was instantly reminded where I was. Sakura’s room was basically the same since my last visit, the only change I could notice was a poster of some kind of movie had been placed above her dresser.

“Satoshi and the Shadow Princess” The main character's ponytail, and samurai armor made me roll my eyes. Sakura found new ways to disappoint every single day. She was so smart, and somehow had the worst taste for things.

I stood, and stepped out of her room, “Hey Sakura, What’s with the-” I paused as I looked down the stairs and saw Sakura talking to a muscular man with grey hair.

She turned around sheepishly before pointing at the man. “Hey Yusuke, this is Takashi. He’s with the Konoha Interrogation Squad.”

I sighed as I began walking down the stairs. “Say less billboard broads. I’m guessing you got the rest of the team?”

The man was quiet for a moment before speaking in a voice that made the Mariana trench seem shallow. “We brought em in at the Television Station, but you were hard to find.”

I nodded as I stretched my back before hugging Sakura. “Well if I go missing, now you know where to look first.”

Sakura patted my back before watching me and Takashi walk off. “I’m gonna be mad if you go to jail, Yusuke.”

  
  
  
  


After leaving Sakura’s view I got black bagged, and carried away. I was more surprised by the height of the Shinobi who picked me up than the procedure. I had read quite a few books on Ninja procedure, and it was basic shit to keep the target from knowing where they were going.

I knew this was just business, but the silence was making me uncomfortable. I waited hoping for someone else to say something before breaking the silence myself. “Usually people pay good money to manhandle someone my age.”

There was a small snicker before I was left in silence again. “If you’re not gonna knock me out can you atleast make some fucking conversation. I’m blind right now, and it makes me all the more able to hear how boring this is.”

A feminine snapped at me in an angry tone. “I didn’t notice I asked for a goddamn review of the service.”

The authoritative yet feminine voice surprised me, and her massive size made my mind momentarily roam to a less than appropriate place. “Might I ask where they found you?”

The voice snapped back even angrier this time. “What?!”

I realized my mistake, and rephrased quickly. “I mean no offense. It's just your body is longer than my legs, and unless you’re mostly torso that means you’d have to be really tall. That’s not even mentioning your muscular arms, and your scary ass voice.”

There was a pause before I was dropped, and had the bag pulled off my head. The person I had been conversing with was in fact massive. At least six feet tall, and muscular. She was a dark skinned woman with white dreads. 

I stared for a moment before grinning. “Would it be too forward to say step on me?”

Anko’s voice made me jump as it came from behind me. “That nut doesn't crack. They have been shooting me down for years.”

The woman shook her head. “I don't shoot you down Anko, I’m just waiting for you to stop drinking.”

I stood up in front of Anko blocking her with as much of my body as I could. “I don’t drink.”

She shook her head before rustling my hair, and looked at anko with a grin. “Reminds me of you when you were younger.”

Before Anko could respond Kakashi stepped between the two Jounins. “You two can catch up later. One of you has a team member about to be interrogated.”

I ran my hand through my dreads before nodding. “I most certainly do.”

Kakashi grinned under his mask. “Does that mean you’re already prepared to be questioned.”

I nodded, and Kakashi’s grin faded. “Miss Tsubaki.”

The woman Anko had been chatting with grabbed me by the shoulder before leading me into a small room with nothing in it other than a metal chair. After forcing me to sit she leaned against the wall in front of me.

There was a pause as what had been a slightly friendly energy turned serious and heavy. Her expression went from a grin to a grimace that reminded me of an angry mother. “I got three accounts of how the day went that line up real real good, and I find that real strange. The human memory isn’t perfect, not even close but everyone had a real similar timeline. Real suspicious, now it falls onto you. I want a recap of what lead up to that explosion, and I don’t want any bullshit”

I nodded. “Do you want the long version, or the short-”

Before I could finish my sentence she kicked my chair out from underneath me. “I want you to give me information not fucking quips. People died now spit it the fuck out before I get tired, and have the big boys pay you a visit.”

I groaned as I sat up. “I went to evict some creep with my team, but ended up trying to fist bump to the skull instead. After figuring out he was a nutjob we went to go find miss kobayashi. Who we rightly presumed he sent a bomb to. We faced opposition in the lobby, but nonetheless we stopped the bomb from getting to Kobiyashi. Shortly after Anko met up with me though the bomb went off a few floors down.”

Tsubaki squinted, and began to rub her chin. “So Anko had heard from her landlord that this man was getting shipments of ninja hardware, and ignored that. She sent half of her team off while you two went to the Television Station, and then she was all alone shortly before the bomb went off.” Tsubaki sighed, and shook her head. “That’s a hard negligence charge, or at worst a terrorism charge. Even if they can’t find a motive she’s going to jail, and you three are getting a new sensei.”

I shocked my head casually. “Nah.”

“What do you mean Nah?” Tsubaki seemed confused.

I picked up my chair before sitting down once more. “I don’t want another sensei. Unless they plan on overflowing some other team, I’m gonna get some generic fuck who wouldn’t make even half as good of a sensei as Anko would.”

Tsubaki rolled her eyes. “You’re bluffing, refusing a new team would be refusing orders, and would get you demoted.”

I shrugged. “And? Nigga I don’t care about this system. What I care about is the people in it. I care about Hinata, and her complicated ass family. I care about Sakura, and her path to becoming an independent woman. I care about Kiba, and his lack of Knowledge. The rest of that bullshit like ranks, the hokage, and the village don’t mean shit to me.”

Tsubaki sighed. “If you truly care about your team then you should leave Anko to her fate. She’s a big girl who can take care of herself.”

I shook my head. “This isn’t how things were supposed to go. We were the good guys we were supposed to win.”

A dark skinned hand grabbed my shoulder. “You took down a suspect, and did your best without any experience. You were a very good guy. The problem was Anko, She was the one who dragged a genin into an extremely dangerous situation instead of following protocol.”

Before I could respond Tsubaki stood, and walked out. I could hear Anko being cuffed as I sat there, but was too tired to move. This was too much for one day, and I still had a lot of plans to rewrite. After the hallway went quiet I walked out of the room to see Hinata, and Kiba looked at each other.

I pushed past them quickly, and tried to ignore Kiba calling out to me. I had a lot to think about.

  
  
  
  


Hinata’s family all sat in silence as each person ate breakfast, the most interaction taking place whenever Hisashi would make eye contact with her causing her to avert her gaze. 

That was until a maid entered, and bowed. “Sir there’s a boy in the courtyard who I believe is looking for you.”

The old man sighed, and turned towards the woman. “Very well, I will go see what this is about.”

I rolled my eyes as Hisashi stepped outside with a scowl. “Sup dick munch.”

He seemed taken aback for a moment before he scowled harder. “It would be in your best interest to tell me what you are doing on my property.”

I looked around before chuckling. “You mean your crazy cult compound? Well I’m here to see your daughter, I’d say the one you treat like shit but honestly your parenting skill makes me question if that would narrow down the field.”

I could feel the anger boiling in him as he called for Hinata. “Hinata, I believe this boy is here to speak with you.”

Hinata rushed out seemingly aware of her father’s emotion. “Yusuke, what are you doing here?”

I shook my head, “Did you think that Anko being gone meant you got a day off? I planned a whole training day for you and Kiba.”

Hinata looked around, “Where is Kiba?”

I grinned before placing a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t tell the old fart, but this place creeped him out. And we’re gonna talk about this place later.”

Hinata seemed cautious as she nodded before I pulled her into a tight hug. She was warm compared to the chilly morning air, and her hair smelled like lavender. After pulling away, I grinned and walked off leaving Hinata frozen in shock.


End file.
